Boundaries are healthy and calling your employees family can blur the boundaries.
It’s unclear just where the metaphor got started. Most likely, some well-meaning executive somewhere described their company culture as feeling “like a family.”
Over time, more and more corporate leaders started using the phrase “like family” — until one decided to take it to the next level and skip the “like” altogether boasting “we’re a family.”
When companies overuse the word “family,” it can actually do damage to company culture and morale.
But a company is not a family.
And what’s more — a company should not try to be a family.
When companies overuse the word “family,” the results are rarely positive. Indeed, pushing for family levels of commitment can actually do damage to company culture and morale. Below, I’ll explain how the “family” metaphor can lead to dysfunction — and the steps that leaders can take to transform their dysfunctional work families back into the thriving work teams they sought to build in the first place.
Misusing the “family” metaphor at work can lead to several ways in which employees can suffer. Here are three in particular that stand out.
1. Work-life boundaries get blurred
Many of the organizations that emphasize being a family end up taking actions that blur the lines between work and life for their employees. This was seen much more often before the pandemic, when companies touted free food, dry cleaning, happy hours and all sorts of amenities designed to make life as easy as possible — as long as people never left work.
But that became a problem unto itself. Employees never left work, spending more and more time with their “work family” but never getting the downtime they needed to keep their productivity going.
2. Committed employees can be taken advantage of
When companies or team leaders overemphasize the family metaphor, the next step is asking for a family-level commitment from employees. And this creates a lot of opportunities for leaders to take advantage of employees. One project after another gets taken on, without considering existing workloads and making it difficult for employees to say no.
It’s not uncommon for companies to cut off communication with ex-employees. Beyond being just plain wrong, this mindset can actually limit a company.
In the worst-case scenario, overcommitted employees can be asked to go beyond overwork and commit ethically shaky actions. When the survival of the company — or the family — is at stake, employees can feel pressured to use any means necessary. (See Theranos or WeWork for two recent examples.)
3. Departing employees get labeled as betrayers
If employees decide they don’t like blurry boundaries around work and life or around ethics and choose to move on — that can create a whole new issue. In organizations that overemphasize family, it becomes easy for leaders to label to departures as a form of betrayal.
It’s not uncommon for companies to cut off communication with ex-employees and instruct their people to do the same. Beyond being just plain wrong, this mindset can actually limit a company — since research shows former colleagues that stay connected become potent sources of new knowledge for each other and for their new employers.
So, what’s wrong with being a team instead of a family?
The intention behind labeling a company as a family might have been positive — organizations and leaders desire a strong culture made up of employees who are bonded to each other and who push each other to new levels of performance.
But if that’s what we want, what’s wrong with just calling that a team? Strong teams deliver exactly that. And whether you’re in a company that’s abusing the family metaphor or not, here are a few actions you can take to build a stronger team.
1. Redefine your purpose
One of the reasons for companies choosing the family metaphor was a poor attempt to bond together people, teams and organizations. But, as we all know, just saying you’re a family doesn’t build bonds.
Instead, research suggests that one of the most potent ways to bond a team is by pointing to their so-called “superordinate” goals — goals that are so big they require collaboration.
For many organizations, their superordinate goal is often already stated as its purpose or mission statement. But even here, there’s work to be done. Most organizations write abstract or lofty mission statements that can be difficult for employees to connect with. It falls on team leaders to translate that lofty mission into one that unites and motivates people. And the best way to do that is to redefine it from a big and bold “why” (as in “why do we do what we do?”) to a specific “who” (as in “who is helped by the work that we do?”).
2. Encourage boundaries
Despite what it may seem like at first, having employees who are committed isn’t always a positive because the line between committed and overcommitted people is incredibly thin. Many leaders and managers think they want people who will labor away until their work is done — arriving early and staying late if necessary.
But the truth is: In a modern economy, work is never done.
Most employees don’t want to be part of another family. Instead, they want to be part of a team that is bonded by a common purpose and built on trust and respect.
The only way to ensure that people stay productive in a way that’s sustainable is to make sure every employee enjoys down time as well. More and more companies are experimenting with ways to reinforce boundaries such as forbidding email after-hours, moving to four-day workweeks or even paying people to take their vacation time. And the results all suggest the same thing: Time away from work makes people’s work better.
3. Celebrate departures
No matter how committed a company’s employees are, most of them will eventually move on. New opportunities present themselves, life changes happen, and so do plenty of other reasons for employees to look elsewhere. In the face of this inevitability, treating departures like betrayals doesn’t make sense.
Instead, departures ought to be celebrated. Employees who leave on good terms ought to be seen as alumni who represent the organization even in their new endeavors. Departing employees are also a powerful new source of referrals for new hires.
In fact, there is no better recruiter than a satisfied former employee now working at a different company. In addition, treating departing employees well has a motivating effect on the employees who are staying, since they see how positively their exiting colleagues were treated and trust they’ll be given the same respect and appreciation some day.
Calling your company a family may be a well-meaning metaphor, but it’s not useful. Most employees don’t want to be part of another family. Instead, they want to be part of a team that is bonded by a common purpose and built on trust and respect. They want to know their contributions are valuable even after they leave. They don’t want leaders who overcommit and take advantage of their loyalty. They want leaders who help them do their best work ever.
This article originally appeared on DavidBurkus.com and has been adapted with the author’s permission.
These pilot skills can serve us in business as well.
After many years working as a TV producer and network executive, I turned my hobby (flying small airplanes) into a second career as a flight instructor. While you might not be excited by the prospect of getting behind the controls of an aircraft, every day that I teach new pilots I realize the skills essential to safe flying apply just as well to making you better at whatever you do. From that, a few suggestions:
Be good at more than one thing
Pilots have to be multi-disciplinarians. We’re required to learn about aerodynamics, engine management, systems, flight planning, weather, regulations, navigation, performance calculations, aeromedical factors, automation management, and much more.
Make yourself more valuable at your organization by learning things outside of your specialty. Ask about and research topics so that you know at least some of what your colleagues, partners, competitors, and customers know—and maybe a few things that they don’t. When things change and times get tough (again), do you want to be the person who can do only one thing or the one who can contribute in several areas? There’s a reason they’ve sold over 500 million Swiss Army knives.
Don’t confuse multi-tasking with serial tasking
As pilots, in any given minute we’re scanning for traffic, talking to controllers, calculating fuel burns, making navigational decisions, and more, all while actually flying our aircraft. The key is that we don’t kid ourselves that we’re multi-tasking by juggling all of these jobs. At best we’re serial-tasking, taking a few seconds to attend to an immediate need, confirming our work, then moving swiftly to the next task.
Step back and take a look at the flood of short-, medium-, and long-term tasks you juggle at work. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re demonstrating how capable you are by trying to do them all at once. In truth, you’re likely giving them all short shrift. You’ll be more effective if you first prioritize what you must accomplish, then give each task your careful attention for the right amount of time before you move on to the next one.
Stop talking. Listen.
Sometimes the best way to contribute is to be quiet—in the air and at work.
The most valuable realization I came to in my first year of flight instructing was when to stop teaching. When I stop talking, my students have time to process all the things, big and small, that we’re working on that day. Better still, it’s during these silences that students reveal (verbally and nonverbally) what scares, challenges, and excites them most about learning to fly.
In business, we all want to make our presence felt—and mistakenly think the best way to do so is by speaking up. Try not talking. Ask yourself if you’re making an original contribution or merely repeating a point already made. Take the time to listen to what colleagues and customers are really saying to you. See if you can let them know that you understand what matters to them and how you plan to act on it.
Choose your altitude smartly
In how many meetings have you heard the cliche, “Let’s look at this from the 10,000 foot level?” Well, I do that every day—for real. As pilots we like to say that altitude is life. Higher cruise altitudes give us more visibility over a larger area and more time in an emergency. However, flying too high can also cause us to burn more fuel, encounter headwinds, or risk oxygen deprivation. So we constantly need to factor in weather, fuel consumption, passenger comfort, and other variables.
When building a team, contributing to a project, or making a key hire, don’t blindly follow just one flight path. Be willing to consider many variables, some conflicting, to make the right decision for the route (job, project, or person) that you’re following that day.
Know your surroundings
For pilots, situational awareness is crucial. We need constant heightened awareness both on the ground and in the air for traffic, weather, and other external factors.
You, too, need ongoing awareness of what might be approaching on your horizon (both real and virtual) and how changes there affect you, co-workers, and clients. Keep your radar scanning for all incoming traffic!
Always have a plan B… And Plan C.. And Plan D…
As pilots we create detailed plans for each flight based on weather, fuel, daylight hours, and other factors. But we know we may have to alter those plans in an instant (just ask Captain Sully). Environmental conditions, equipment, and external factors can always change on us. And, as instructors, we don’t have separate lessons for unusual occurrences—we practice abnormal and emergency scenarios in every flight.
You and your team should regularly imagine, anticipate, plan, and rehearse all manner of abnormal and emergency scenarios. Did you do so before March 2020? This past year may have been a most extreme case, but train yourself to expect the unexpected in your field every year.
As pilots we talk about staying “ahead of the plane.” If you think like a pilot, you’ll stay at least one step ahead in your job. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find yourself interested in flying lessons as well…
Identifying Integrity is key in hiring, and also in the culture you set as a leader.
Warren Buffett, chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, is no stranger to good leadership advice. One of Buffett’s highest measures of success is his reputation. Reputation is an invaluable asset that he says should be guarded every day.
What’s at the core of maintaining a great reputation? Not risking your integrity. After all, business is full of challenging and risky decisions, so when arriving at the crossroads of which path to take, walking the talk of integrity is your best choice.
Elevating this conversation to hiring the right people, integrity should be a non-negotiable when assessing job candidates for the right positions. Buffett knows this too well. He is quoted everywhere with this timeless piece of advice:
We look for three things when we hire people. We look for intelligence, we look for initiative or energy, and we look for integrity. And if they don’t have the latter, the first two will kill you, because if you’re going to get someone without integrity, you want them lazy and dumb.
Integrity weighs the heaviest
Buffett is not denying the importance of IQ when bringing in smart and innovative knowledge workers to solve your company’s biggest problems. But I’ve been on the receiving end of hiring brilliant, charismatic, and creative geniuses only to watch them destroy morale and company culture with an arsenal of dishonesty, deception, and narcissism.
If you’re on the fence, here are three unquestionable reasons why should you hire people on integrity, even above intelligence, experience, or rock star technical aptitude.
1. They are truth-tellers
A person who speaks their truth with candor makes it very attractive to those seeking honest brands and places of employment. And having an orientation toward the truth also makes it easier for people to connect with one another, embrace change, reject wrongdoing, and get real results.
2. They follow through on their word
People walking the talk of integrity follow through on their commitments and deliver on their promises. They also allow room for mistakes and failure (they’re human, after all), but they hold themselves accountable to a high standard absent of outside influences.
3. They manage conflict well
Conflict is unavoidable when human beings are involved and people with integrity understand that cutting through conflict by listening and taking in various perspectives is a much faster solution to resolving an issue than running away from conflict and avoiding people.
Buffett understands that the competitive advantage that comes from having integrity steers people into making good choices. This is good for your business decisions and it protects your reputation. And it starts with whom you hire.
How you lead impacts the capacity of your team. Are you doing these things?
By Renee Goyeneche—
It’s every company’s dream to fill their ranks with talented employees; people who invest in their work and are, at the same time, highly competent and efficient. As a standalone, a star employee’s work is valuable, but as part of a team, they also fulfill another critical role: leading by example. Smart companies know that hiring someone who sets an ambitious work pace and offers inspiration and guidance to others can be one of their best investments.
The strongest leaders:
- Are transparent in their communications. Rather than barking orders, a good leader provides information on the why and how whenever possible. When people are informed, they can better understand the significance of their role and are more likely to become personally invested. Research proves that companies with effective communication have much higher talent retention numbers.
- Hold themselves accountable for results, but celebrate team and individual success. Wins throughout the journey help keep people motivated toward the end goal, and recognition is high on the list of things that make employees feel valued.
- Create an environment of mutual respect and solidarity among their employees. Groups with a strong team identity understand and value the role of each member. They realize that everyone brings a unique skill set to the table and will excel if allowed to play to their strengths.
- Are emotionally aware. They notice and respect their team members’ feelings and foster a psychologically safe environment. More than any other factor, our interpersonal relationships influence the happiness of not only our careers, but our lives.
If you want to be a great leader, build a great team, and work to facilitate cooperation and support. Ultimately, a company’s success comes down to its people, and their ability (and desire) to work together toward a common goal.
Some managers are coachable. Some don’t even realize how they are being experienced. I can help you help them so you can keep the keepers. FirecrackerLeadership.com
Turnover of any kind inside a company can be problematic–especially these days, when everyone in engaged in a war for talent. But that’s especially true when it comes to your star employees–the A players–who can be tough to replace no matter what the economy is doing.
But figuring out why those key people are leaving can sometimes be a mystery. It can be difficult to understand what’s causing them to leave. Over my years of experience both as a leader and a coach, I’ve come to the conclusion that people come for the mission–and they leave because of the manager.
What do I mean by this?
People come to work for your organization because they believe in what you stand for and what you do–as well as what kind of work they get to do. That’s why this is a critical aspect of hiring A players or whenever you’re hiring for critical positions. As I discuss in my book, Great CEOs Are Lazy, it can often be the CEO’s job to take on the role of “chief talent officer” to help share the inspiring vision and mission for the organization to get A players excited about joining the organization.
So why do people leave the organization? It’s not because of the mission; that didn’t change. And despite conventional wisdom, most people also don’t leave because they’re searching for more money. Of course, if you are underpaying your people relative to the market, you might risk a higher turnover rate. If you intentionally pay the median salaries for the market, however, most workers will consider that to be fair compensation. And when people feel they are paid fairly, they often see no reason to look for another job.
Back to the question at hand then: Why do people leave? The answer, I’ve learned, is because of their manager. People leave jobs because they don’t like their manager personally or because they don’t feel like their manager treats them with respect.
Of course, any manager could see one or two of their employees quit at different times. It’s when you notice clusters of exits–three or more start to mark a trend–that you should be sending red alerts around the organization, because they can inevitably be tied back to a single manager. With just a bit of work to connect the dots, you can zero in on where the problem truly lies. When you know who the problem is, then you need to take action.
I remember a time when a company I was running started to lose good engineers at a startling rate. It soon became clear that the common root of the problem was the engineering director–someone who didn’t report directly to me. What I did, however, was go to that director’s boss and make it known that there needed to be changes or someone was going to lose their job. I was trying to make the point that people were leaving because of their manager–and I would fire the manager before I could afford to lose anymore scarce engineers.
The point is that people aren’t leaving because they’ve lost faith in the mission and direction of the business. They’re not even leaving because of their compensation. They’re leaving because of a disconnect with their manager. And if that’s not something you can remedy, you need to make a change, because no organization can afford a drain on their A players and quality employees.
So watch for clusters of departures or even transfers into other departments and trace it back to their leaders. If they lead to a single manager, you need to take action.
It comes down to being human, treating folks like humans and showing your humanity.
Change is hard. Surprise transitions are even more complicated, and everyone deals with them differently. For example, the Covid-19 pandemic weighed heavily on people in different ways–some had to suddenly homeschool their kids–something for which they felt woefully unprepared. Others had eldercare responsibilities, and many got sick or worried about their families falling prey to the pandemic.
The latest attacks on Ukraine are affecting people in different ways. It is disheartening news that confirms the fragility of freedom and peace for some. But unfortunately, the situation is all too real for others as they have family members and friends in the region, and the conflict has a face and name attached to those in its midst.
The worry and fear weigh heavily on people in what we refer to in adult learning as a cognitive load. Knowing how to mentor or lead those with varying cognitive loads requires self-reflection and actualization in a manner in which we may not be familiar. If ever there was a time for leaders, colleagues, and mentors to increase one’s emotional intelligence (EQ), it is now.
Knowing how to mentor and lead those dealing with varying cognitive loads requires frank conversations and a readjustment of expectations, again. It’s the same storm we are in, but not everyone has the same equipment or is close to its eye.
Ask your mentee, colleague, or direct reports how they are doing what is concerning them today. Listen without offering advice. Sometimes people just want to be heard and unload their worries.
Acknowledge
Ignoring the current situation is not going to make it go away. Instead, acknowledge and ask people how they are doing or if they have family in the region.
Adjust stressors
We are in the midst of an unyielding and stressful time. Therefore, allowing people some grace to deal with the situation and not worry about work may be appropriate.
Show your imperfections
If you are concerned or unable to fully focus, share it with your team. By doing so, you permit them to follow in kind. Your team will appreciate your actions, and you will be viewed as someone who understands.
Dr. Deborah Heiser, the CEO of The Mentor Project, recommends reaching out to lateral mentors for support.
“Our lateral mentors are often our friends and are individuals we feel less pressure and are most comfortable showing vulnerability because they do not have a stake in our job. We can talk openly about our concerns and get comfort and support in times of stress when we are able to rely on someone we feel comfortable venting to, talking openly, and sharing concern. Lateral mentors, mentors with expertise who are not our bosses or on a hierarchical trajectory with us, are a welcome safety net not only for work related problem solving, but emotional problem solving as well.”
Dr. Sanjay Saint, a physician and premier expert on mentoring, offers sage guidance:
“As a mentor, I try to remind myself of the powerful quote from the late Robin Williams: ‘Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.’
“When such battles are in the daily newsfeed it is perhaps easier to be supportive of what your mentees may be experiencing. Such battles, however, are often deeply personal – illness, family strife, economic anxiety – and hidden from view. I have yet to have a mentoring experience (as a mentor or mentee) in which kindness and compassion didn’t help.”
No one is expected to be a hero now. These are tumultuous times, and people are under incredible strain, which they are handling differently. A one-size leadership or mentoring approach will not work now. Instead, treat each person as an individual, listen more than you talk, and show compassion.
Reach out, set goals, have conversations and be genuine. Good advice for lots of situations.
For years, I’ve been telling clients and friends that it takes a village to raise a career. You need to build contacts across your industry, cultivate those relationships, and be as helpful to others as you want them to be to you. But in the pandemic era, your village has shrunk.
Unsurprisingly, numerous studies show that with so many people working from home, we’re interacting with fewer colleagues both inside our companies and at other businesses across our industries. Without going into an office each day, we’re less likely to meet new people outside of our departments. And with numerous conferences being canceled—something happening all over again now, due to the omicron variant—the same goes for networking with people at companies we may want to work for someday. Even those people who choose to go to the office or attend in-person events when possible are still making fewer connections since many other people are staying home.
To build your “village” in the hybrid era, you need to be organized and strategic.
HOW TO REACH OUT
With fewer in-person opportunities such as “water cooler conversations” available, use LinkedIn connection requests—but do so wisely and judiciously. Find people whose career track records show they’ve worked their way up the ranks in your field, or in another field that interests you. Read posts or articles they’ve written. If they’ve posted videos of a speech they gave or a panel they were a part of, watch one. Note something interesting about it. Then reach out, simply saying you’d love to connect.
Emails can work as well, but keep them brief and simple. Inside your company, use Slack or another internal messaging channel to reach out to people you haven’t met yet. Say hello, and ask if it might be OK to hit them up for advice sometime.
Don’t take it personally if people don’t respond. Many are overwhelmed or very busy. If you don’t hear back from them, move on to someone else.
SET NUMERIC GOALS
As a rule, aim to make at least 10 quality new contacts every three months. This is my standard advice even outside of the pandemic, and it still applies now. Across a year, that’s 40 new people you have in your corner.
Unfortunately, when I ask clients and attendees to my workshops to write down the names of new contacts they’ve made in the past three months, most people can’t even name three. Many can’t name one.
Make reaching out a part of your daily job. Aim to get one positive response by the end of each week. People are very busy, so most won’t write back. That’s OK. (Across a year you’ll have some weeks off and some weeks in which your efforts fail, so you’ll end up at around 40.)
PURSUE A 15-MINUTE CONVERSATION
People remember you and feel more connected to you once they’ve spoken with you. Request a quick Zoom session with them just to get to know them, and offer a few possible times. Limit the ask to 15 minutes, which most people will consider not too burdensome.
If the person you’re reaching out to is a manager and/or plays any other role in hiring, you may get especially good responses if you call the ask an informational interview. The Great Resignation has companies on the lookout for talent. When you request an informational interview, you’re indicating that even though you may not be looking for a job right now, you might be interested in joining their company someday. They’ll have good reason to invest the time in hopes that you might one day make a good hire.
BE GENUINE
Most importantly, be your authentic self. People can tell when someone is being fake or just trying to find a way to use them. Open up honestly about any challenges you’re having, and listen intently when they share. Do your best to connect with them as people. Everyone is craving more human connection.
Over time, tend the garden of your relationships. Stay in touch with people to whatever extent they seem to feel comfortable. Drop a note once in a while just to say hi. Comment on the social media posts of people in your network. At a time when many people are feeling exhausted and lonely, even little notes can make a big difference.
With everything on your plate, you may feel that the last thing you need is yet another task. But building your network is a crucial investment in yourself. I’ve been recruited for every job I’ve ever had by people with whom I built relationships. Your village sets you up for a stronger future.